The Day Emmett goes Shopping
by youbroughtasnack
Summary: Alice gets sick and decides that Emmett should shop for her uh oh
1. What do you want now?

**Stephenie Meyer owns all of the characters (I just make them do stupid stuff)**

**EmPOV**

I was sitting on the couch minding my own business watching TV, and then I heard that annoying little stuffy voice "EMMETT!" Alice was sick and decided I was her victim of annoyance today. So I walked up the stairs at human pace and entered her room. She was sitting there with Jasper, and she called me over. "Emmy can I ask yuh a biig *achoo* favuh?"

"What do you want?"

"You to go shopping for me"

"Nooooo way dude, remember the last time I went shopping for you?"

He figured that Alice was remembering the time when he went shopping for her and bought Doritos instead of Cheetos and she pounced on him, made him go back, and buy some Cheetos…..which she doesn't even eat. Apparently Edward heard because he was about to explode with laughter outside of the door.

"Pleeeeassee Emmy???"

"Oh fine, but if I get the wrong thing, you can't pounce I told you I wasn't right for the job." I walked out of the room past an exploding Edward, and walked down the stairs to a very upset Rose.

"What is it?" I said in a very sarcastic voice

"That is it" She said while pointing at Esme's coffee table, well broken coffee table

"What happened?" I asked now concerned

"Those two is what happened" now moving her finger over to where Jasper was lifting Edward up and slamming him onto the floor. Then the man you really want to see at a time like this comes down the stairs, Carlisle.

"What's going on down here?" Nobody wanted to rat them out but Bella couldn't hold it in….hold on where did she come from?

Bella took a deep breath and said "Edward was laughing really hard at Alice's thoughts and then Jasper told him to shut up but he didn't so he tried to send a wave of anger through Edward and it worked but Edward got really mad and threw Jasper into the coffee table and then Jasper picked him up and slammed him into the floor" all in one breath. After her speech she hid her face behind her hair so she wouldn't see our reactions. Carlisle said very calmly "My children, My children I love you all so much, but if you don't get out of here in less than 2 seconds I'm gonna rip you all to pieces and burn you" " 2, 1, ….. Yeah you better run" Carlisle murmured under his breath. I headed out to the car and found a note on the driver's seat listing what I had to go get for Alice. I think it was longer than my body, but I managed.

"This is gonna be a long ride." I thought

**Review, Review, Review I know this one isn't that funny but the next one will be hilarious =]**


	2. Trouble

**Stephenie Meyer owns all of the characters (I just make them do stupid stuff)**

**EmPOV**

So I got in my jeep and started it up. "And what am I supposed to do about it!"

"It is not MY fault he's like that he gets like that! If I knew better I'd say you were sticking up for him!"

"Oh crap" I thought "These people are crazy. What the hell is Rose screaming about now" I whispered to myself. Her voice was coming closer. My first reaction was to duck but then if somebody came in the truck I was screwed. My second thought was to pull out but then they would've stopped the car. I cursed at the speed and strength we endure. So all I did was sit there, and wish I was invisible. Rose and Jasper came over to where my jeep was and they stared at me like I just crashed a funeral, threw confetti everywhere, and started singing happy birthday in a Barney suit, and they wanted an explanation.

"Um….Hi?"

"What are you doing out here?" Rose practically screamed at me

"Um I was just…..uh just….uh"

"WELL!" Rose was definitely screaming at me now

"I was just leaving" gathering my composure

"THEN LEAVE!" Jasper said in an almost intimidating voice

"Fine, Fine I'm out" "Gotta be so pushy" I muttered under my breath

So I finally got to the store, Wal-Mart, and when I walked in I went crazy It was like everything you could ever want in life was in that store. "Cool..." I said and then Edward comes out of isle 8 "Isle 8: feminine products"

"Dude what the hell are you doing buying pads?" I guess I said it kind of loudly because Edward punched me in the arm and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Dude shut up! I'm buying them for Bella"

"Dude yeah right! You were picking which one you wanted!"

"She told me which one to get! And can you keep you voice down? Don't you have to go look at condoms or something?"

My roaring laugh busted out of my lungs and Edward walked away

"Bye Eddie let me know if you need some tampons or something!" I said laughing again.

So I continued to walk through the store and be amazed and then I saw it. The most amazing thing you could ever imagine Nerf Guns.

Ho-Lee Schnitzel "Ahhhhh Holy crap I would so kill somebody with these!"

"Maybe Eddy would play with me"

"Oh I'm supposed to be getting Alice's stuff"

"Okay Number One: A black t-shirt with a picture of shoes on them"

"What the freak?" So I went to go find the t-shirt. And not only is this store filled with stuff, its ginormous. So I went to the women's section of clothes and looked and instead of finding the shirt I decided to sit down and make up excuses until I found one she would believe, oh I didn't mention that when Alice gets a cold not only is he nose stuffed up, so are her visions.

"Hmmm well Alice I'm sorry but I couldn't find it because I've become ……uh….color blind…..no, no that won't work"

"Uh maybe I could go with …..no that won't work either". In the midst of my rambling I ran into this woman. I thought to myself "jeez I wish Edward were here." The lady looked at me like she had seen Jesus float down from heaven and buy some Doritos.

"Um may I help you?" I asked politely

"Um are you Dr. Cullen's son?"

"Why yes I am" I said proudly

"Well you're in a lot of trouble mister" She pulled and tugged on my ear while she dragged me to her car

"But what about my jeep?" I whined

"We'll come back for it later"

**What's Emmett in trouble for now? Review please thank you**


	3. Jail

**Stephenie Meyer owns all of the characters (I just make them do stupid stuff)**

**EmPOV**

"Why won't this lady let go of my ear? Isn't she supposed to be driving?" I thought. We arrived at the police station and I saw my dad's car, Jacob Embry, and Charlie. Jacob wasn't really paying attention so I decided to ask him a question while I was waiting. I got up from the chair I was sitting in and walked over to Jacob

"Um hi Jacob can I ask you question?"

"You just did" he said with anger

"Dude I didn't do anything to you unless you want me to, you better lose the attitude"

"Fine. What do you want?" he said sarcastically

"What am I in trouble for?"

"Dude you don't know?" he said actually talking to me

"Apparently since I'm asking you"

"Well since you want to be sarcastic you have a small fee to pay"

"Well what is it?

"Bella"

"Dude I have no power over that and if I don't find out what the hell I did I'm gonna go to jail, because it'll sound like I'm lying, when really I have no clue what the hell I did." I said all in one breath, as if I had to take one

"So spit it out" I spat

"Fine, Fine. You were committed for a murder or something…" my eyes got wide. Jacob continued

"They were saying that they saw you at the scene of the crime and that you were caught red handed"

"WHAT!!!! Dude I was at WAL-MART!!!!"

"They said they saw you so…" I went and sat down to register what Jacob said and why Carlisle was here at the police

Well today is Wednesday and it is extra donut day

"EMMETT!" where have I heard this before? I got up and walked into the room where they called me from and you'll never believe what I saw….

**You'll never believe what Emmett see's! Review please**


	4. Outside

**Stephenie Meyer owns all of the characters (I just make them do stupid stuff)**

**EmPOV**

"Happy Birthday!!" Rosalie, Jasper, Bella, Edward, Carlisle, Esme, Charlie, Embry, Seth, and Billy were all standing there with a fat load of presents." What's going on in here?" I asked

"it's your birthday silly" Rose said while giving me a kiss

"But I could've sworn that I was…"

"Dude it's called a trick that worked" Jacob said coming in behind me

"So I'm not in trouble?"

"No" they all said in unison

"So…."

"No Emmett you aren't dreaming" Edward said

"Soo…"

"NOOOO!!!!!" Bella said

"Okay okay but why trick me like that? You guys know I get in trouble all the time why would you do that?"

" Because it was funny and that was the only thing I knew you would fall for" Carlisle said

"Oh then what's that outside?"

**What's outside? I know this chapter was short but the next one will be the finale**


	5. MY ?

**Stephenie Meyer owns all of the characters (I just make them do stupid stuff)**

**EmPOV**

"Oh that's your big present!" Alice said with enthusiasm "but you have to open these first!" she said pointing at, from what I could see, 12 presents on a clothed table.

"Ok?" I said with question. It did sort of freak me out still after finding out that I wasn't going to jail for life, so proceeded to open my first gift.

'From: Edward" The gift read in Edwards oh so perfect script. I opened it I was a pair of boxers and on the back they said "FAT" on one side and on the other read "CHEEKS".

"Ha Ha very funny Edward I'll get you back just wait. Edwards's expression turned from humorous to worry. "Not so funny now huh?" I thought to him. Edward shot me a dirty look and Carlisle told us to knock it off.

I opened my next gift. It was from Esme. It was a complete power rangers play set. I was heated I knew it was Jasper that was up to it. "Oh sorry honey Jasper told me you would like it so I went and got it for you. I hope you're not too mad"

"Its ok mom I won't sell it or throw it away or melt or burn them or freeze them until they blow up. I'll just stuff it in my closet." I said so she wouldn't feel bad "Like I'm going to do Jasper when we get home" I muttered under my breath

The next 10 presents were things from Alice, mostly clothes, that I'd better wear or she'd rip me up and find a match. After I ripped through those and got threatened 4 or 5 times, I was so axious to see what my present was outside.

"Well now we have to cut the cake" Edward said to piss me off

"WE DON"T EVEN EAT!!!!! COME ON I WANNA SEE WHATS OUTSIDE ALREADY!!!!"

"Ok ok no need to scream" Carlisle said

While everyone strolled outside I ran. When Carlisle finally got outside he started to make a speech.

"Emmett you're not one of my favorites but you do deserve this you've never really gotten in the way, and the only thing that makes me mad about you is the way you make fun of your brother Edward and….."

"Oh jeez Carlisle let me just see the thing"

"Ok"

It was the best thing I had ever seen….. I think it was better than nerf guns it was my jeep but it was clean and had a stereo and leather seats the interior was awesome my roof could close now and the outside was all black now it was so pretty. Then Edward told me to look in the trunk. I looked in the truck I found 200 dollars, that new CD I wanted, and a Sound system that anybody that wanted a loud car dreams of.

I was hysterical it was impossible how much work they put into it and thanked each and every one of them even the werewolves.

I was so happy I actually cleaned my "room" and didn't make fun of Edward all day

**Well Thaaaaaats it! Review, review, review! I'll be out with my next story later this week!**


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